Posted on May 08 2017 by Put-on-love.com
Your face shined and you smiled so bright when you first found out you were pregnant. This baby girl of yours… it all felt like a dream. Like a new chapter of your life, a beginning of a whole new fascinating world. Some days you were filled with fear of so many what ifs, but other times you relentlessly fought through and faced your best days ahead with hope and excitement. Even though you knew in your head it was going to be hard, you still wanted to be a perfect mom and love your daughter the way you could ever hope to be loved by a parent.
When baby Ariana finally arrived at the hospital, everything felt so surreal. You couldn’t believe she was yours, how she stayed in your tummy for 40 weeks too long. You were just happy that she was out and healthy. Family and friends visited to celebrate, flowers and cards arrived, the baby latched on okay, the car seat ready- check, the crib ready- check, diapers- check, and tomorrow you were going home. Family of 3, for the very first time.
But when you arrived home with your baby girl, the real adventure began. Sleep, sleep, sleep was all you could think about. Following the sleep deprivation -O God help- you also soon faced postpartum depression, identity crisis, isolation, loneliness, and the list went on. You basically submerged into deep darkness as days went by. More than anything, you lost your smile. That beautiful smile of yours. Oh, Reyna, how you just wanted to run away, hide, and sleep. You wanted to isolate yourself from everything, but still had to get up and attend to your baby’s needs. What made you cry was the fact that you didn’t feel the instant joy when she was born. People would ask, “Isn’t it like a love you’ve never felt before?’ but you didn’t know what to feel. And that actually made you feel like a horrible mom. You asked yourself over and over, ‘What is wrong with me? Isn’t motherhood supposed to be joyful? Why don’t I feel a close relationship with my daughter? Why don’t I feel this overwhelming love people are talking about?’
As time passed, however, you finally learned the very reason behind the disappointment, why you were feeling such disconnect with your baby, why you were experiencing this dark depression and all. You realized you were feeling fearful and disconnected on the inside because you were being subconsciously reminded of your broken past. How you were abandoned by your biological mother when you were a baby yourself… Not knowing who your biological mother is and why she left you while you were still a vulnerable and helpless child brought so many unanswered questions and deep wounds in your soul. It made you question your own self-worth. This pain only resurfaced when you had your own baby girl. You were hurting.
But it was time for you to be brave, knowing that healing was coming your way. First, you had to finally stop being hard on yourself. You realized, while you were worrying so much about why you didn’t feel connected with your baby, you were actually missing out on an opportunity to bond with your daughter. You had to take a baby step yourself in learning how to love your own child. You learned that love is not just feeling but it’s an action. So, you began intentionally loving your daughter by caring for her, nurturing her, and showing her affection even when you felt weak. In your faith, you consciously began thanking for the blessings from above and meditated on the Scriptures. You reached out to people you trusted and shared your struggles and dark shameful thoughts.
Then you started journaling your motherhood, even if you would write just one sentence or even one word a day, which slowly but steadily brought healing in your heart. You also began focusing on the things that did go right instead of focusing on what didn’t, purposefully trying to keep a healthy mind. You took one step further and reached out for any help that you can find from a family, friend, or trustworthy neighbor when you felt depleted and desperately needed rest. You made sure that you found at least a small amount of time to do things you really love to do, carefully managing each day’s schedule, and squeezed in dates with your husband. You knew that nothing good comes out of isolation so you surrounded yourself with other moms who were positive and encouraging, who could relate to your struggles and challenges of being a new mom.
Beautiful Reyna, I’m so proud of your bravery. You walked through a beautiful but tough journey that felt like a deep tunnel. Lots of tears were shed and there were dark, hard times that should not be understood lightly. You are a trooper and because you came out of it strong, you should be celebrated. Your love for your daughter has grown each and every day, and now she brings you immeasurable joy and fulfillment. Yes, you were destined to be a mom, and you absolutely love being Ariana’s mama for she taught you how to laugh again. Thank you for showing us when we sow love, we reap love. Thank you for reminding us that tears soon turn into laughter when we endure with true committed love.
So to all mamas out there, be brave and hopeful! You are not alone. Your blood, sweat and tears will surely be exchanged with laughter, as you walk in your unique precious journey of motherhood. Smile fearlessly, Mama!
Reyna is a wife, mom, stylist, designer, writer, and motivational speaker. She says that everyone’s journey is different, so don’t compare yourself with anyone for it only brings despair. Every season is temporary! So don’t worry about a thing because only You can be your baby’s mama. I believe in you! – @reynaelizabethmorris
Dress: Ariana Off-shoulder dress (named after Reyna’s beautiful daughter Ariana!)
Summer Hat: Bloomingdales
Necklace: Reyna Elizabeth Turquoise Bead Necklace or Gray Bead Necklace
Bracelet: Reyna Elizabeth Hope Bracelet